4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
