he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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