I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
