I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
