Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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