so explain again why im purple
no
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
