So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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