he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
