Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
