Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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