I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
