At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
