Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
