How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
