toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
