The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
