he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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