that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
