Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
