stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
