What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
