mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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