Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
