In the future we'll all be gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
