God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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