If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
