And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i would punch a child for taco bell
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
