you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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