Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
