you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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