party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations