Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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