Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick