We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
