I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
