So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
