It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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