when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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