Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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