I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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