I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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