How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
