i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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