He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
