I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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