just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
