I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
