when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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