Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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