now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
