i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
