Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
