i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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