if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
