There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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