I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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