census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
