I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
