I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
