How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
