Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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