He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
