btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
