We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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