a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
