I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
