the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
