Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
