Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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