Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
