Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
