I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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