You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
