If i come over, it means nothing
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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