If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
